Winner of the Mom Competition...

So who has the biggest hangover this morning? Who ate the best potato salad? Woke up with the best looking stranger? Any good fistfights or firework-related injuries?

I pulled my "Scrooge in July" routine and stayed home. I took a bath. I just moved into a new apartment that has a tub a grownup can actually fit into and since have been taking a couple baths a week. If you are strictly a shower-person, why not take a bath? They're good times.

Last Tuesday, I posted a contest to describe your relationship with your mother in only five words, which as anybody who has ever had a mother will tell you, is no easy feat. But you guys killed. The entries were fantastic; thanks to everyone who participated.

Some people went with humor (sort of):

Ruth D: "We are now switching places"

Sarah: "Is that what you're wearing?"

Anonymous: "Not mini me? Bad girl..."

Most, though, were brutally emotional--a few I admired:

Caroline: "A remarkable reliance on memory"

Julie: "Neurotic dissatisfied disappointed, now dead"

Brian: "Simple thoughts for sad soul"

The big winner was Irene, whose submission "Life long labyrinth no exit" seems to describe the maze of family brilliantly. Well done. I'll slip you a book in the next couple days.

Also, Poets & Writers put out their "new and noteworthy" books for the summer and they were nice enough to include Termite Parade on their list.

In 5-words, describe your relationship with your mom

I'll mail a copy of Termite Parade to the person who posts my favorite 5-word description of her/his releationship with their mother.

An example: Wondrous love scabbed with masochism.

Another: Floundering freedom for hypocrisy ticket.


And one "happy" riff just so nobody says I'm merely a glass-half-empty-sorta-guy: Your dad made me bald.

No rules, except c-bombs = disqualification... maybe. Although, sometimes c-bombs really work.
Mothers from Courtney Love to Michelle Obama want to know your answer!

And the haiku winner is...

The haiku contest was a blast. Thanks to all who participated. It's crazy how many methods of communication were incorporated to send me these: blog comments to texts to tweets to email to facebook to goodreads to a strange voicemail (yikes). What, no one faxes anymore? If anyone snail-mailed theirs, sorry, but I'm going to pick a winner before the pony express rolls through.

Some honorable mentions:

The lovely Grace Krilanovich, whose first novel "The Orange Eats Creeps" comes out in September, wrote a great one. As did Kristin. Rebecca Stern wrote a solid sub about a hangover. My sister wrote a good one, too, though I disqualify her: there's no nepotism around these parts, kid.

The big winner is Michelle M. She gets points for being extra sweet, in a world that can use all the sweetness it can handle:

"I want to gnaw through

your tough shell like a termite

and live in your heart."

Congrats Michelle. Pop me your address and I'll send a signed book.

Speaking of, Termite isn't out for a week and a half, but the first reviews are beginning to trickle in. I wanted to mention one specifically because it's always nice to get love from the hometown publications. San Francisco Magazine had some really nice things to say. They also give their reviews letter grades, which I appreciate as a throwback. Nice to know I'm still not an A student...

"Termite Parade is a treat, an unlikely redemption story with a distinctly San Francisco flavor."

Termite Haiku Contest!

Post a haiku that uses the word “termite” either in the comments field on the blog or on my Facebook wall.

The best one will win a free copy of TERMITE PARADE (even before it’s in stores!) – plus glory and bragging rights. Obviously.