Anyway, my hot/hung gorilla was like, "Get back in bed and do me, yo," and I was all, "No way, juice-head. You can smash your hand. I gotta have my Snooki!"
Then I bot a paper and while I read about Snooki who in my mind is more famous then any Bible-writing dudes from 10,000 years ago, I was totally fist-pumping right there in the gas station because, like, Snooki's the new Shakespeare, yo. I was fist-pumping but I was also heart-pumping, because it means so much for the world to have words by Snooki in a book now.
And then I was like, wait, her words aren't just in a book, but they're also in the newspaper, witch means this shit is special, yo, this calls for a celebration. So I bent over and took off my panties from under my skirt and waived them over my head right they're in the gas station, saying, "Snooki! Let's drop our panties and party! Let's drop our panties and party, girl!" and pretty soon some gorilla was all up on me and life is good to be alive when you panty-drop and dance in a gas station.
You're killing it USA Today for bringing the world what it needs--more about Snooki's booki!
